Be Patient

Wait

And be patient about it.

It seems like I could be okay with being asked to wait,

but the instruction to be patient is very hard to do.

Today I was a bawl baby

again.

I couldn't help it!

Everything I saw reminded me of a memory with Jeff.

If I

sit

think

and remember

I could hear his laugh.

I feel like that little 18 year old in February

2010

Crying at any mention of him.

Now that I go on with life I'm absolutely

sick and tired

of being alone.

Alone at FHE

Alone at church

Alone at firesides

Alone at institute

Alone at work

Alone at school

I am always alone doing something.

I've actually knocked off some of those things on that list

because I'm so tired

of being alone.

I had to give myself a pep talk today to knock off the sorrows.

Just because I am alone doing those things doesn't make them any less of a righteous pursuit.

I am known to my Heavenly Father.

In spite of my loneliness

I am expected to go and do.

Jeff chose to go all the way to Mexico

by himself.

It was a decision he made

on his own.

I might be by myself in some places,

but I am never totally alone.

It doesn't matter how far from home I get

or how dislocated

alienated

or segregated

I am

Alone I am not.

I hereby give myself permission to cry

on one condition,

that I get back up

suck it up

and wait with patience.