The Marathon

It's 6 days away. . .

Holy Moly!!

This time last year I was like,

"Yeah, I'm doing the marathon

because I want to accomplish something big

before Jeff came home."

Here I go.

Ready or not. . .

HERE I COME!
Wish me luck, because I don't really feel ready.
I don't think I would ever really feel ready.
But here I go, about to run my brains out.
For fun. . .
I'm so excited!!

Advise. . .

Where did the time go?

No, for realsies.

Five months to go?

I have to tell everyone they were right.

The hardest piece to believe when Jeff left

everyone would tell me so

still I really didn't believe it.

But I prayed for it.

Time will go by fast

Two years seemed like a life time.

Yes, mom you were right.

If I had any advise to give to the girls following my same route it's to. . .

1. Listen to the positive and discard the negative.You can do it, and it's not as hard as it seems.

2. You're doing nothing wrong by waiting for him as long as your not distracting him.

3. Believe that time will go fast and it will get easier.

4. Change is good as long as it's a good change. You are allowed to and should change.

5. Go to institute and church.

6. Read Preach My Gospel.

7. Be prepared to be ignored when times get tough or busy for him, because you're not supposed to be first on his list.

8. Stop crying and smile.

9. Don't worry about him, he's protected. Trust that.

10. Pay your tithing.

Be Patient

Wait

And be patient about it.

It seems like I could be okay with being asked to wait,

but the instruction to be patient is very hard to do.

Today I was a bawl baby

again.

I couldn't help it!

Everything I saw reminded me of a memory with Jeff.

If I

sit

think

and remember

I could hear his laugh.

I feel like that little 18 year old in February

2010

Crying at any mention of him.

Now that I go on with life I'm absolutely

sick and tired

of being alone.

Alone at FHE

Alone at church

Alone at firesides

Alone at institute

Alone at work

Alone at school

I am always alone doing something.

I've actually knocked off some of those things on that list

because I'm so tired

of being alone.

I had to give myself a pep talk today to knock off the sorrows.

Just because I am alone doing those things doesn't make them any less of a righteous pursuit.

I am known to my Heavenly Father.

In spite of my loneliness

I am expected to go and do.

Jeff chose to go all the way to Mexico

by himself.

It was a decision he made

on his own.

I might be by myself in some places,

but I am never totally alone.

It doesn't matter how far from home I get

or how dislocated

alienated

or segregated

I am

Alone I am not.

I hereby give myself permission to cry

on one condition,

that I get back up

suck it up

and wait with patience.