The Marathon was ran!

Well then. . .

I ran the marathon. :)

This is how it goes.

I went and got all my stuff the day before at some expo thing they had.

I felt so nervous all day long.

I even broke down to my mom.

It's nerve racking to think that you have a 26.2 run ahead of you!

But I got through it.

I started out and I thought I would be awesome.

It was a strong start. 

I even passed up the first rest stop!

Ha ha!

I ran Veyo Hill without stopping. . .

It was around the 14th mile that I started braking.

My knees,

oh my poor knees.

Every time I would slow down to get a drink at the aid station

and then start up again

it felt as though knifes were stabbing me between the knee caps.

It took everything I had to keep going.

Knee braces and all I was dieing.

I prayed

I cringed

I stretched

I prayed again

I texted my parents every other mile

so they would know where I was.

I wouldn't stop.

All I needed was to see my city.

I kept thinking that as long as I could find my way there I would be safe from quitting.

Something goes crazy in your head when you run that far.

It's almost survival.

I thought about Jeff

How he would've loved that sunset. . .

But then the 20th mile came.

There's this thing your body does.

It reserves a little pocket of energy deep in your heart.

Mile 20. . .

I could see my city and something happened.

I got a little faster.

More people were on the sides helping us along.

One family was handing out popsicles.

I glided by everyone in my own world.

Something came over me as I saw the finish line.

Remember last year. . . ?

Remember when I started this blog and I said I would be running a marathon?

Remember when I would run to take the stress from waiting for a missionary?

Remember when I would stop and cry because it didn't work?

Remember when I was finally strong enough to run for 2 hours?

Remember how I trained and trained?

Remember the sweat and tears?
Remember trying to do something life changing before Jeff gets home?

It was all coming to an end

and I was starting to cry.

I had accomplished something great.

Something I did all on my own.

Something life changing.

The 7th mile in Veyo. My iPod stopped working, so I dropped it with my family. My brother, Tyler fixed it a couple minutes later. Unfortunately I was already gone.

Veyo Hill lasted 1 1/2 miles. I ran/jogged the whole way. . .

Coming into the finish line. . .

 

This is when I cried.

The time up here is not right. I got a solid 5:40 time. Everyone starts at different times. There are chips in the runner tags that activate once you cross the start line and deactivate at the finish line. That's how they get each runner's specific time.

Me with my medal and my brother, Tyler.

The Marathon

It's 6 days away. . .

Holy Moly!!

This time last year I was like,

"Yeah, I'm doing the marathon

because I want to accomplish something big

before Jeff came home."

Here I go.

Ready or not. . .

HERE I COME!
Wish me luck, because I don't really feel ready.
I don't think I would ever really feel ready.
But here I go, about to run my brains out.
For fun. . .
I'm so excited!!

Advise. . .

Where did the time go?

No, for realsies.

Five months to go?

I have to tell everyone they were right.

The hardest piece to believe when Jeff left

everyone would tell me so

still I really didn't believe it.

But I prayed for it.

Time will go by fast

Two years seemed like a life time.

Yes, mom you were right.

If I had any advise to give to the girls following my same route it's to. . .

1. Listen to the positive and discard the negative.You can do it, and it's not as hard as it seems.

2. You're doing nothing wrong by waiting for him as long as your not distracting him.

3. Believe that time will go fast and it will get easier.

4. Change is good as long as it's a good change. You are allowed to and should change.

5. Go to institute and church.

6. Read Preach My Gospel.

7. Be prepared to be ignored when times get tough or busy for him, because you're not supposed to be first on his list.

8. Stop crying and smile.

9. Don't worry about him, he's protected. Trust that.

10. Pay your tithing.

Be Patient

Wait

And be patient about it.

It seems like I could be okay with being asked to wait,

but the instruction to be patient is very hard to do.

Today I was a bawl baby

again.

I couldn't help it!

Everything I saw reminded me of a memory with Jeff.

If I

sit

think

and remember

I could hear his laugh.

I feel like that little 18 year old in February

2010

Crying at any mention of him.

Now that I go on with life I'm absolutely

sick and tired

of being alone.

Alone at FHE

Alone at church

Alone at firesides

Alone at institute

Alone at work

Alone at school

I am always alone doing something.

I've actually knocked off some of those things on that list

because I'm so tired

of being alone.

I had to give myself a pep talk today to knock off the sorrows.

Just because I am alone doing those things doesn't make them any less of a righteous pursuit.

I am known to my Heavenly Father.

In spite of my loneliness

I am expected to go and do.

Jeff chose to go all the way to Mexico

by himself.

It was a decision he made

on his own.

I might be by myself in some places,

but I am never totally alone.

It doesn't matter how far from home I get

or how dislocated

alienated

or segregated

I am

Alone I am not.

I hereby give myself permission to cry

on one condition,

that I get back up

suck it up

and wait with patience.